Freezing My Finger's and Toes!

It's effing cold!

I'm sitting on the back porch, typing this and looking up at the sky every so often. Eclipse tonight baby! Perfect weather too, clear skies, with only the occasional cloud wisp drifting over.

When I grow up, I am going to buy a house with windows that let me see the moon! So I don't freeze my arse off when the next winter eclipse happens!

But I think it is worth it. It's really pretty tonight. No clouds, and it is cool to watch the shadow slowly creep over the moon. I'm remembering the Van Gogh episode of Doctor Who when Van Gogh said that the night sky isn't black, it's all sorts of colors. BOy was he right. There are trees outlined against the sky from where I am sitting, and they are black, so black they reinforce the blueness of the sky.

I need another cup of tea. and more socks.

I almost missed the eclipse tonight. I went to bed earlier than usual, but I woke up around midnight for some reason. Maybe because that is when I normally go to bed. I decided to check my facebook and lo and behold, a lot of people were posting about the eclipse. So I said to myself, "Dear lord, I am an idiot. How could I forget?"

Here I am. I wrote a bit of fiction, and read a bit of Lord of the Rings, and drank tea. Quite lovely. And the moon is turning dark.

I hate to go all religious on you, but things like eclipses get me think about The Higher Powers. Maybe I am a romantic fool, but when ever I see some thing amazing like an waters fall, or a fractal pattern or a hive of bumblebees to an eclipse on the solstice I think about how wonderful the world is and I know in my gut that there is Someone out there because it is just so effin' amazing!

Top 11 Arthurian Characters

I love Arthurian myth. I think it is because it is a great challenge to learn about. Seriously. Paraphrasing Linkara "Understanding it is like undoing a knot the size of basketball, with one hand behind your back, your eyes closed, upside down, riding a horse." Since, I love this crazy convoluted piece of English lit. I decided to list the Top 11 Arthurian characters.

Why Top 11? Because I'm ripping off HOMAGING The Nostalgia Critic's gimmick.

11. Morgouse. God what a bitch. I don't like her at all. I dislike her so much that I get a sick pleasure out of it. Here's an SAT analogy that is the tip of the iceberg for why I detest her. Morgouse is to Morgan le Fay as is the Sabretooth to Wolverine. A poor man's substitute. She doesn't have the class nor the power that makes Morgan so cool But the real reason I do not like her is because, she gets Arthur, her half brother drunk and then has sex with him, i.e. she rapes him. Ew! Ew! Ewwwwww! She is so much fun to hate.

10. Lancelot. Should he rank higher? :/ Eh. *Sigh* Look, I didn't even want him here in the first place. But when he appears in any version of Arthurian myth nowadays, you get excited. When Lancelot comes, shit gets real. Crowning Moments of Awesome and Drama will ensue.

9. Leodegrance: Sir Patrick Stewart played him. 'Nough said. No seriously, Leo gets badass points because he gave King Arthur the Round Table. Being played by an actual knight (okay Sir Stewart was just Patrick then, but the point remains) + providing a cornerstone to on of the most important mythologies ever = Major Badass

8. Lynette. Three L characters! I like the potential she has is amazing! Her kingdom's run over by an evil knight, and the rightful ruler, her sister is the knight's prisoner. So she sneaks out and goes to Camelot to get help. Sir Gaheris, helps her out. The evil knight is defeated and she marries Sir Gaheris. She's spunky, a story that as lots of action with a potential "Well Excuse me Princess" relationship going on. I can try to write it, but I have a feeling that's novel length story and I'm NaNo burned out.

7. Merlin. This is the great granddaddy of wrinkly old mentors with long white beards. Okay, maybe that honor belongs to Odin. But Merlin had had some considerable influence on such beloved characters as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gandalf the White and Professor Dumbledore. As a matter a fact, it came full circle in the movie Excalibur. John Boorman deliberately based that scene off the one in A New Hope where Obi-Wan and Luke talk. So, yeah. Much love!

6. Lady of the Lake. Is it just the versions I read, but does the Lady of the Lake always turn up to save Arthur's butt? "Don't drink that." "Don't put on that cape from your sister." "Here's a new sword, since you broke your dead dad's. Nice going by the way." Anyways, she's one of the few people in the mythology who knows what's what, and without her, there would be no story.

5. Gawain. Despite what Sir Thomas Malory wrote, Gawain is a complete badass. But not in a "I-am-so-manly-look-at-my-muscles" way. More like an "I made a promise, and I will keep it no matter what!"

4. Bedivere. You have got to respect this guy's loyalty. He was with Arthur from day one and he was the one at Arthur's side when the king died. See tragedy! And losing an arm did not keep him down! Oh no! Since he needed two hands to wield a sword, he took up with the spear.

3.  King Arthur. The man himself! He's come so far! *sniff* From a random Roman (?) general to a medieval king with a whole mythology named after him! And like Bedivere, you gotta respect this guy. It ain't easy being the greatest king ever. I mean, people think they can over turn him, his knights can be idiots, and just imagine the paperwork! But Arthur always stays strong, and left behind a legacy that continues to inspire people.

2. Percival. When I was a lass, I would listen to these audio recordings by Jim Weiss. You probably can guess that there was an Arthurian one. My favorite story on there was that of Percival. He was a genuinely good guy, and some times you can't help but laugh at the idiot things he does. I loved the part in the Jim Weiss story when Percival stops on his travels to look at some red berries covered in snow, because they are beautiful, like his lady. Dawww! 

1. Morgan Le Fay. When I first meet Morgan, I had no idea about Camelot, Arthur, the Round Table, Excalibur, the Holy Grail or anything else. I had heard of them, but they didn't mean anything. But then my mom persuaded me to read Dawn Before Dinosaurs, the very first book of The Magic Tree House series.  Morgan le Fay opened the door, not only to Camelot, but to the jungles of Africa, the streets of Pompeii, the frozen tundra of the Ice Age, the first moon base, and, well, everywhere! I have a hard time seeing her as a villain now. I think I've reconciled the two images. Morgan the villain and Morgan the mentor. She's a trickster Mentor. She puts Arthur through painful trials, but he ultimately ends up benefiting from them. 

Abi's NaNoWriMo Magna Carta

There is a book called No Plot? No Problem!. Basically it is a guide for the insanity that is NaNo. One of the exercises caught my eye. 

 Basically, you make a list of stuff you like in books you read, and I thought, this would make a good blog post!    

So for your reading pleasure, Magna Carta I! 

1.           Awesome characters, main and side. Example: Firefly. All the crew of Serenity.

2.           Improvised weaponry. Example: Jason Bourne, just Jason Bourne. 

3.           Villians that are so vile, that you cannot help but love to hate them. Example: Umbrige. Sue Sylvester. Jonah J. Jamenson.

4.           Big Damn Heroes Moments. Example: This, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYeqDD96gLg

5.           A strong parent/child relationship. Bonus points if they aren’t related.  Example: Alfred and Batman.

6.           The berserk button pressed and the Papa Wolf or the Mama Bear is unleashed.  Example: “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"

7.           Good deaths scenes that make you cry and are a perfect send off for the character in question. Example: "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."

8.           Heartwarming moments that are full of awesome. Example: "Hey! Pickin' on a guy tryin' ta save some kids!" "This is New York!" "You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!"  

9.           Lemony Narration. Examples The Series of Unfortunate Events, Northanger Abbey, Discworld, or select Neil Gaiman works.

10.     Pre-Ass Kicking One Liners. Example: "Did I ever tell you how I got the nickname Dragon of the West?" 

11.     The hero has arrived at the end of the story. He/She’s scarred mentally and physically. He/She has lost friends, watched some of them die even. But he/she is alive! And he/she has won! And there is still some one that they can rely on.  Example: Harry Potter  

A request

Before I go to sleep, I am going to ask a question. Since I am new at blogging, there is one question that has been really eating me. Who should I follow?
I have NO idea what blogging etiquette is. Is it like Facebook where you have to know the person in real life or is it like fanfiction, where no one gives a crud who you are so long as you are not a spammer? Or does it depend on the blog?
Anyways, if you have an suggestion on who to follow, shoot me a Facebook message, or a email, or leave something in the comments.

Muchas Gracias!

No, I Will Not Make You A Sandwich

"Now, make me a sammich!"

Considering all of the feculent memes and jokes that the internet as spawned, it is no surprise that domestic abuse would crop up as some thing to laugh about. But, just because no one is shocked to see these kinds of jokes on the internet does not mean that it is okay to make them.

And I just want to say, just because you laughed at or made a sammich joke does not make you a terrible person. You were just hit by a stick of douche baggery. And who has not been hit by the douche baggery stick?

You were still a douche though. And I forgive you. Kay?

Now, why am I writing about this?

Because it bugs the hell out of me! Why? Because when I see a "make me sammich joke" I feel sick inside. I feel, well, objectified. It tells me that "I suck" because I am a woman. And it scares me. That there are people out there who think that telling me to shut up and take in the ass is a joke.

And I realize that it is supposed to be funny. But it is not. It makes me, and other girls feel threatened and degraded.

But it is black comedy! you may cry. Sure, it is. But, when it comes to black humor, use your best judgment. I can laugh at death. Because everyone is going to face it! Even you! yes you. And, hell, Death is not going to mind if we laugh at her. She may join in!